Take 3? Take 4? I Lost Count.

Okay, so call it a resolution or whatever, but "I have a dream" to write more in 2011.  Well, this is like the 4th time I have tried to write just tonight.  Last night I was all geared up and ready, and the stupid blog site wasn't working.  Then tonight, I was super excited b/c Jack went to bed at 8:20PM, which was basically a miracle, and I had some me-time, but I spent the majority of it editing a friend's resume.  I was happy to help out the friend of course, but just as I finished that up, Mr. McQ required my companionship for TV watching since the DVR was already double-timing it and we needed to watch a show together to keep from watching one of the recording shows live.  Oh, how technology rules...

But that is not what I want to write about.  I have been trying to come up with my blog site's theme.  I started with the whole "The Zookeeper - Uncaged!" theme b/c of "The McQ Zoo" reference and me being the family manager or "Zookeeper" there.  The idea was that on The McQ Zoo Shutterfly site (http://www.bbmcquilken.shutterfly.com/) everything is all peachy and sweet and friendly, among other warm and fuzzy descriptions, and b/c I want the world (and Jack) to be privy to that site, I don't feel as though I can be truly honest in my writings or journal entries.  I can't really utilize that site as an outlet for my stress or frustrations or even just a way to vent.  For example, sometimes I want to swear.  Like even now I just wanted to say the f-word, but it doesn't come naturally to me in a shared forum.  I would like to say that is b/c I am some abnormally moral person who doesn't believe in fowl language or negative thoughts, but the real deal is I am just worried that some things will come back to haunt me, and I am not so sure I am comfy with that.  I guess that changes my whole "Uncaged" theme to "Slightly Less Censored."

Another issue I find myself battling is the concern for other people's feelings.  If a blog is supposed to be public and shared among "followers," then there is a good chance I may hurt the feelings of someone I love in my writing, especially if I am venting!  To other bloggers, how do you handle that?  Do you just suck it up and lie in your blogs and only write things that are PC enough for your loved ones to read?  Or is there a non-offensive way to approach those sensitive sorts of things?  The truth is both my stress and support often stem from the same source...and writing about that is one more way to unload and actually alleviate some of the stress.  Do I need to have some sort of completely private blog and add yet another portal to my cyber-space portfolio?  I don't have enough time to keep up with all the sites and social networking obligations I have now; how in the world do I add another?

What I really want to do is write Children's books.  So since that is actually a resolution for 2011, I suppose I should put most of my focus there during my occasional me-time, but it is even harder to tap into my creativity when I am just trying to get s#$% done.  Yes, that's right.  I wrote "s#$%."  Take that, morally superior readers!!!  Okay, now that I am done with my sidebar of in your face-ness, back to the point.  Oh, but now Mr. McQ is snoring so loudly that I cannot even think straight to continue this blog.  Oh yeah, in case you did not know, we live in a small condo and the computer is in our bedroom, and the only time I get to write is when the rest of the zoo is sleeping.

Aright, let me get serious for a minute.  My goal needs to be obtainable.  I can't say I am going to blog on here every day and actually expect that to happen.  I would kill myself trying and what I did write would lack depth.  That being said, I can't do once a month b/c then it leaves too much to write about and not enough time without narrowing down to a specific topic, which may or may not even be relevant anymore by the time I am ready to write about it.  I think I am settling on a weekly goal.  Not a specific day, but just a general once a week goal to blog.  If I do more, great, but I have to blog at least once each week.

As for themes, well I am not sure yet, so "The Zookeeper - Uncaged!" gets at least one more night to scream at the top of this page, but I am leaning towards something more like "Truth Over Medium with a Side of Censored."  Okay, that one is a little long, but I will come up with something.  Maybe the key is to totally separate my blog from my McQ Zoo reference, and just have it be completely unrelated.  Hmmn...now the wheels are turning in my head.  Too bad it is time for bed.  If I didn't have to go to work tomorrow I could pump out another few pages here.  But, unfortunately I do have to work...and I am sure it is only a matter of time before Jack wakes up.  So I guess that means I am signing out for the night, weekly goal established, blog theme in the works.  Now that, my friends, is progress.