Part 1: 6/28/11To all you bloggers out there, what makes you tick? Have you ever noticed when you are grumpy that it is harder to write? Or maybe you are the kind who finds boundless content in the depths of your crankiness. Well, I used to be that way, able to spit out a poem or song in minutes laced with the anger or sadness I was feeling, perfectly capturing the essence of my mood, yet still raw and honest enough to be artistic, at least in my own mind.
Not anymore. Now when I am grumpy I struggle endlessly with the concept of "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." I've grown up, I guess, and I've learned to bite my tongue when it is necessary to spare someone's feelings or protect someone's privacy, and in some cases, even my own. Like right now, I have a bone to pick, but I'm just sitting here, beating around the bush and avoiding putting in writing the irritation that is truly chiseling away at my nerves.
Not anymore. Now when I am grumpy I struggle endlessly with the concept of "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." I've grown up, I guess, and I've learned to bite my tongue when it is necessary to spare someone's feelings or protect someone's privacy, and in some cases, even my own. Like right now, I have a bone to pick, but I'm just sitting here, beating around the bush and avoiding putting in writing the irritation that is truly chiseling away at my nerves.
Or maybe that bone is just not that big a deal. I suppose there is an alternative to my "I've grown up" theory, and really it's just that the quality of my problems has significantly improved. Way back when I was lamenting, my life was a big fat mess, and maybe the topics I wrote about, mostly heartache and despair, were just more interesting. Even to me!!!
I know I write ALL THE TIME about the joys of motherhood, and the reality is that THAT is my life now. Being a mom provides tons of new topics while opening the door to personal reflection and self discovery, but I don't seem to agonize over finding the words to express my happiness.
It's the hard stuff that stumps me. Trying to find a balance between expressing my true feelings and not exposing personal information is challenging, to say the least. And the really tough part is deciding if a post is publish-worthy. I have a gazillion posts that remain unpublished, partially b/c I haven't finished them, or I got distracted by life in the process, and partially b/c I am not so sure I want to reveal publicly some of my inner-most thoughts. Writing in itself should be therapeutic enough for me that the publishing aspect doesn't matter, but I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy sharing what I write, especially when I have readers whose comments and feedback stroke my writing ego and encourage me to keep on with my writing goals.
Part 2: Today
And now here I am almost 2 weeks after I started this post, still trying to decide if it is worth my readers' time, and this much later, I have to admit, I don't even remember what "bone" I had to pick when I started this piece. I guess that means whatever it was blew over and life goes on.
Isn't that refreshing? So often "time" is our greatest friend, healing the wounds in our hearts, and soothing the discontent in our souls. I find that in my life these days, most of my problems are solved by waiting it out a little longer. Hmmn...I wonder if that has more to do with that original "I've grown up" theory. I'm not sure, but I do know today, as I sit and write the end of this post, I don't have any bones to pick or hurt feelings wandering around my mind, and that feels great! I may be about 2 weeks older, but with age comes wisdom, right?!?!?
