Once again I am sitting at my computer with much more to say than time will allow. Of course I have been sitting here now for well over 2 hours doing all sorts of other "important" things, and in that time I have managed to lose track of any sort of organization in my thought process b/c it is almost 1AM, and I am tired. That is another skill I am trying to work out - how to capture the thoughts as they happen and somehow get them "logged" so later they can be blogged. In the meantime, I guess I'll get some sleep and just be satisfied with my picture post.
Except that I just thought of a story.
When I previewed my blog just now, seeing how I have "Dear" purposely in quotation marks to point it out as a play on words sparked a writing assignment memory from my 9th grade English teacher at PHS. I forget exactly what the overall theme was supposed to be, but I wrote about The Lee "Familee," which is comprised of Debra Lee (my mother), Christie Lee (my sister) and Brooke Lee (myself), and the whole piece was about the bond between us. Sharing our middle name was another way we were tied together as a family, and at that time there was no father figure in our lives, so it was just the 3 of us. The whole story was centered around the idea of the middle name "Lee" being our real last name instead of the actual last names we had then and before. "Lee" was consistent. It was shared. It was who we ALL were, and it was also given to us by our mother, who was the only unwaivering parent in the equation.
Well, I titled the piece, The Lee "Familee," pointing out the misspelling purposefully, deliberately and by all means, cleverly with the use of the quotation marks. Now, maybe the punctuation was not accurate or proper in the title, and I honestly don't remember exactly how I wrote it, but what I do recall is Mrs. Will-remain-nameless marked "Familee" as a misspelling. Seriously, did she even read the freakin' paper? I of course, being confrontational in every sense of the word and not about to take lightly being overlooked, brought the oversight to the attention of the teacher who so obviously did not find it necessary to comprehend what her students were writing, but rather marking misspellings was more her concern. My feelings were hurt. Writing was my favorite part of school, and I had poured my PERSONAL heart and soul into that paper, spilling details and heart-wrenching drama so freely, so innocently, so certain that someone somewhere would HEAR my story and understand me better because of it. I was so deflated by that, and the harsh reality of "not everyone cares" began to poison my then sweet naivety.
I am pretty sure that was the same day the yearbook staff snapped my picture while I was on the phone in the couselor's office lobby and captioned it "calling home to mommy," my one close-up as a Freshman a red-faced fake smile with illuminating eyes shining in that "I just finished crying" mode. Pure awesomeness...made even cooler by my multicolored suede jacket.
I've come a long way since then...and I'd like to think I am more forgiving and less likely to throw stones at someone who probably meant no real harm and who I am certain felt terrible at the time when called out by her student for her lack of interest in said student's passion...but even now I like to be heard, or read, and know that someone out there gets me, or at least somehow relates to me I guess. Sometimes I am so caught up in griping about something lame that I forget to dig in to my life's other side, the side that ponders and thinks and explores with a goal of self discovery and the hope of being a part of something bigger than just myself at the same time. Maybe my annual Reflections document taps into that stuff enough to carry me through each year and help keep me sane, but I am also hoping this blog will take me there more often.
This pattern of self-induced sleep deprivation is going to take its toll on me if I don't get some shut-eye now, and by the way, the teacher took back her misspelling marks and re-read and re-graded my paper. I wonder if this is a lasting memory for her as well???
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