Today was a GOOD day. Not so much the part of it that I was in, but the part of it I got to hear about, and the evening I got to enjoy after it, well, those were quite good, I must say.
It started with a routine Tuesday morning of prepping a less than enthusiastic 2-year old for preschool by pulling out all the stops to avoid the tears while listening repeatedly to his favorite saying: "I can't want to go to school!" Carpool was not the worst it has ever been; he cried, but through his heartbreaking sobs he also waved, "Bye-bye, Mama!" and blew kisses as his teacher carried him away, his sweet face soaked with salty sadness. As I drove to work I made the typical phone calls to Daddy and the grandmothers to relay the events of drop-off, and I was feeling okay about the progress he is making, slow but steady.
Through all of this I was anxiously awaiting a return phone call from the surgeon who performed Jack's unnecessary hernia operation b/c Jack's incision site had become inflamed over the weekend. I spent the first half of my work day distracted by thoughts and fears of another hospitalization or infection, and although I was busy, I found myself overlooking details and just not as meticulous as I am known to be. There was a total communication breakdown between myself and a co-worker, through no fault of either, that continued throughout the day and which we both found to be odd since we are usually so in sync. Even after I spoke to the doctor I still felt antsy, tense and just plain irritable, despite his basically optimistic determination that we could just continue to watch things for another week and apply antibiotic ointment to the surface. The whole situation is still so fresh in my mind that even the potential of something else going wrong freaks me out.
But in the middle of it all, I got a little glimpse into my Jack-Bo's day when the preschool Director emailed me to say he was "A Star" and doing great! As I read, a twinge of hope and happiness flooded through me, but then it drained right back out...
I was not the only one feeling a little out of whack at work. Auditors are visiting this week, so there is a decent amount of pressure going around, and I'm sure that we all feed off each other under these circumstances. Still, as the day wore on, I felt more and more down in the dumps with no specific reason I could pinpoint. I thought of all the stress in my life right now, and sometimes it seems that once I get started I can't stop, so the list was piling high and daunting, but at the same time there wasn't anything newly added. Then I was asked to do a special project, and although I normally would have welcomed the variety, I felt more overwhelmed by it today. A few times I even found myself frustrated and fighting back the misty eyes. Finally it was time to leave...
On my way out to my car I was talking to God, praying something along the lines of "PLEASE don't let Jack be cranky when I pick him up; I just really can't deal with it today." It has become his standard greeting to run up and push me in the legs saying, "No mommy, go away!" when he sees me after I've been working all day. No matter how much he has missed me he still needs me to know he is angry I wasn't with him. Sadly, he doesn't seem to understand that I am angry about that too, so I try my best to ignore the beating and attempt to hug him anyway. He usually softens after a few minutes and we get loaded up in the car to head home, but once we are there a second battle frequently ensues. I struggle to get him out of the car, into the elevator and up to our condo, and typically this involves me dragging his spaghetti-legs and potato-sack body through a portion of the journey while threatening time-out or some other loss of privilege. ("Jack, Mommy HAS to change before we can ride your bike! Your bike is inside! Let's just go inside for one minute! Please don't make me drag you! I have so much other stuff to carry!") Once I finally manage to get him settled it is often too late to do whatever he wanted to do in the first place, and then round 3 begins, and all of this is before we've even thought about dinner!
So today, I was not in the mood for any of it.
God was listening. :-)
As I pulled up in the driveway, I saw my MIL getting Jack out of her car and I thought, oh great, he is never gonna wanna go right from one carseat to another...but when he saw me he was SO EXCITED!!! He jumped into my arms, immediately wrapped himself around my neck and exclaimed "Hi Mommy!" He kissed me and hugged me and welcomed me with the most amazing sweetness, better than anything I could ever imagine!
The car ride home included a nice conversation with a little broken language, but mostly I understood what he was saying. I smiled as he shared the happenings of his day with me, and we talked about school, snack time, the playground, his friends, his cousins, my work, my friends, dinner, gymnastics, dogs, football, and you name it! Just as we hit the last traffic light before our neighborhood his favorite song came on the radio, and together, we joyfully belted out along with it! "La, la, la! La, la, la! Tonight, Tonight...!"
This time Jack's bike was in the car with us, and I was wearing comfortable enough shoes to withstand a few laps around the parking lot before going inside. Plus, Daddy was about to be home, so I told Jack he could ride until Daddy got here, and he seemed satisfied with that. After a few minutes, Jack's attention shifted from his bike riding to his Daddy's truck pulling in, and it was relatively easy to get him into the elevator.
We had one slight set-back getting out of the elevator, as Jack proceeded to pedal as fast as he could through the corridor. I chased him while holding onto my purse, his school bag, a diaper bag and 2 bags of groceries that Daddy had just bought. I am always terrified he will turn the corner and accidentally ride his bike down the stairs! Once inside we sent him to his room for time-out, to which he went willingly, and for once he did not cry or get upset about it. Two minutes later he was back to being sweet as pie!
The evening continued with this trend. Jack was silly and playful, and even when I cut him off from the chips and didn't let him help me cook the fish, he remained tantrum free! He ate his dinner, and we gave him some ice cream, and then bath and bed time were relatively painless!
As I snuggled him to sleep I thought about my attitude for most of the day. Sometimes we just don't feel like being happy. It is hard to smile all the time. Life is stressful, and it is normal to get caught up in the negative...but every once in awhile a light shines through the darkness and leads the way to a brighter tomorrow...or at least just a nice evening with your kid! These are the moments I want to remember when I look back...the ones that carry me through the hard times, not the hard times themselves!
I have a suspicion that my boy's wonderful day at school had the domino effect on the rest of his day, and maybe, just maybe, he is finally adjusting to life as a "Doodlebug." Perhaps there is a deeper message for me in all of this, that I could benefit as well from adjusting to my life as a working mom, despite my ambition to stay at home. Maybe in doing so I could enjoy more of my days instead of dreading them, knowing that our separation is temporary and for the greater good, and looking forward to having so much to talk about when we are together again.
And right now, as I am typing, my precious cherub champion is sleeping peacefully in the bed behind me. I hear his rhythmic breathing, and once again, I am reminded of all of my blessings. Thank you, God. Yes, today was a good day.
