The first time my husband was let go from his job, he had been at the same home building company for 8 years. We had been dating a little over 3.5 years, and I had anticipated his proposal for months. I knew exactly when he bought the ring...b/c he was too excited not to hint to me...but then a work trip and a girls beach weekend delayed our moment. When I returned from Hilton Head he informed me we had dinner plans at our favorite steakhouse, Hal's, for that Friday. The date was August 31, 2007, Labor Day weekend.
The morning of our dinner date, I was giddy as a school girl. I knew what was coming and so did everyone else. Since we both worked there we had friends and co-workers waiting just as excitedly as I was for him to pop the question. But that same morning there was a dark cloud looming overhead in the hallways of our office building. We knew there was a possibility, but we had not considered it realistically, and we hoped that our relationship with management would spare us a spot on the chopping block when the ax began to fall. As I worked in the IT department, I was one of the first notified when employees were terminated, and all morning I anxiously watched my computer screen for the email to pop up with instructions to delete his user account. Names were appearing in astonishing numbers; it was already the 3rd round of layoffs. How many more could they possibly let go? Still, I did not see his name.
We kept in contact throughout the morning with our fingers crossed, yet our minds wandering to our own joy and plans for the evening, Nextel-ing each other every few minutes for me to report the play-by-play as builders dropped like flies. When his boss drove into his neighborhood, he got nervous; our hearts started racing, but still, we felt like it could be someone else's doom.
Then he called. He never called. He always "hit me" on the Nextel. The call was different, eerie, unexpected.
"I'm done."
His boss had let him go, informing him of 1 week of severance pay for every full year he had worked there. He was required to sign a separation notice to receive it, and that was the end.
"I haven't seen your name!"
And then there it was. Brett McQuilken - terminated. I cried, he froze. Our joy was interrupted and neither of us even thought about our date or our plans or the ring for the rest of that phone call. People in the office around me offered comfort; I resisted and lashed out. I stormed into the Operations Manager's office who was also a good friend and demanded he tell me why he had not clued us in to this decision. "You knew we were getting engaged today, and you still let this happen!" I don't think I gave him a chance to respond; I didn't really know if he contributed to the decisions anyway. I marched down to the CFO's office and stood in the doorway, arms flailing and heart pounding so hard that he could probably see it pulsating in my chest!
"So Brett was let go today!"
"There were 22 people on that list."
"Am I on that list?"
"No."
"I'm leaving for the rest of the day."
"Okay."
And with that I dramatically made my exit and headed home to be with my man. My boss emailed to see if I was planning on coming back the following week, which I was, but in that moment, I had to get away. It was clear everyone understood. In the end, we all knew it wasn't personal. Business is business, and sometimes it just sucks.
At home Brett and I cuddled in each other's arms while sitting in an over-sized sofa chair, not really saying too much. Mostly we just cried. The layoff was such a feeling of rejection for him, and regardless of the economy or assurance that he was not to blame, his feelings were hurt. After a bit of mutual sadness and our expressions of unwavering love, he said these magic words:
"You're the most stable thing in my life right now. Let's go get engaged."
And we did. Although he had bought the ring, it was being set, so his plan was to pick it up on his way home from work that day. Work got cut early, so the ring was still at the store. We got in the car, taking our baby girl (dog) Della with us, and drove to Jared. Della and I waited in the parking lot as Brett went inside. I was texting friends and feeling waves of sadness and joy and excitement and anger and I think my heart stopped when I saw him coming out of the store. He got in the car. I was in the driver's seat. Della somehow knew to be totally still and quiet, watching us from the middle of the back seat. Brett pulled out a stuffed polar bear hugging a penguin with a St. Jude's Children's Hospital tag. "Even though I don't have a job, I still couldn't say no to the children." He placed the ring on the beak of the little penguin and asked me to marry him.
It was the happiest day of my life. Cloudy, but so happy.
On the last week of his severance Brett landed a new position with a commercial general contractor. It was a low-man-on-the-totem-pole job and a bit of a pay cut, but we knew we were lucky to not feel the effects of a period with no income. We still planned our wedding and got married, we went to Jamaica for our honeymoon, we got a 2nd dog (Tug), I got a new job, and basically we started a new chapter in our lives. We were able to live pretty much the same way we did before the layoff…but not without sacrifice.
Brett didn't love his new job. It was not the best environment. His confidence was shaken, and rightfully so. The economy was getting worse, and now banks weren't lending, so the projects his new company was supposed to have were unable to be financed. He began to feel like they were targeting him in an effort to make him quit. He opened up to me about just how bad things were during a special fall camping trip we took as just the two of us. We decided that he would stick it out, but we both began to feel the fear of him losing yet another job in a struggling economy.
In November things got really scary, and we were certain Brett was about to be cut. Sure enough on Friday the 14th, his time came. It was an emotional weekend for us. The stress was making me sick. The next Monday, I went to the doctor for a sinus infection...and came home with a positive pregnancy test. It was 3 days after he was let go. We'd had plans to start trying for a baby in January 2009, but we got pregnant 2 months earlier than expected. Another bittersweet life changing moment. We were overjoyed with the news, and yet terrified for our financial situation. We knew how lucky we were to have my job and my health insurance, but it was far from ideal since we'd hoped I would be able to mostly be a stay-at-home-mom. With the support of our amazing families and friends, we began preparing for our baby's arrival, knowing that had we not been pregnant already we probably would have delayed our plan for trying in light of our new circumstances, and ever so thankful it happened when it did!
August 4th, 2009, we welcomed the most beautiful boy into our world. It was the happiest day of our lives. The clouds parted for awhile to let us bask in the light our sweet baby, who from the moment we knew he was coming brought us nothing but joy, despite the fact that Brett was still unemployed. We are truly blessed with the gift of our son, our love for him and each other unwavering.
Brett spent 2 years, 3 months, and 14 days officially without a job. He worked his butt off on side jobs, home renovations, small contracts here and there, sometimes getting screwed along the way...But he made new business contacts, and thanks to my sister, he was put in touch with many homeowners in the community who wanted repairs and improvements since they couldn't sell their homes in this market. He began to get comfortable with this way of working. Meanwhile I struggled to obtain a Loan Modification for our mortgage, cut all the fat from our budget, and even skimped on the lean to keep our bills paid and our baby fed. I went back to work full time 4 days per week, and together we just did what we had to do to get by. We got used to living week to week. We became accustomed to the uncertainty. We were (and still are) so blessed to have such a supportive and helpful family, who came to our aid time and time again.
Finally this past February 2011, Brett got a job! He was referred by friends who formerly worked at the home builder, and he was a shoe in for the Project Manager position. Things seemed promising at the beginning, and we were thrilled for the opportunity. It was the best working environment for Brett so far and it came with a stable, steady income that, although small, was still enough to pay our bills and feed us. Once again Brett worked his tail off for this company. He liked his job. He liked his co-workers. He felt needed, wanted, busy all the time. They even gave him the largest community with the most high maintenance client, knowing he could handle it b/c of his great personality and easy-going nature.
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| Jack's Bday Pizza Dinner in Hilton Head |
On the week of Jack's 2nd birthday, Jack and I went with my family to Hilton Head. Brett stayed behind to work b/c he did not have any accrued vacation time yet, having been employed there for just 5 months. We talked every day, and nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Work was fine, so it seemed.
On Jack's birthday I called to put Jack on the phone with his Daddy, but when Brett answered he had terror in his voice once again. "Brooke, Brooke, they are doing layoffs!" My heart sank. Seriously, on Jack's birthday? I mean, come on! Can't we have any special occasions that are not associated with the loss of a job? Less than an hour later...
"No more."
More than afraid, I was angry. More than sad I was mad. I had to keep my emotions in check for the sake of Jack though. I was not going to let ANYTHING ruin his birthday...not even this. By the same token, Brett was handling it pretty well. After he went home and threw up, he seemed to take on a glass half full approach and proceeded to tell me that this time he felt more prepared than ever. He knew what he had to do, and he had more contacts and experience, and he assured me we would be alright. We knew it wasn't personal. Last one hired, first one fired, and he also started to look back and see some red flags he had overlooked indicating numbers were not as high as he'd originally thought; bonuses were looking slim and there was no money to be made. Fortunately, the sting of rejection was quick and somewhat less painful b/c he'd been there before, but also b/c the decision this time was made by people in a Corporate office who had never even met him before, but knew cutting him was an easy out of paying for the added cost of his benefits, which would have kicked in at his 6 month mark. In the end, it is their loss.
My original thought when this happened on Jack's birthday was "the trend continues." How creepy and just plain weird that at another significant and celebratory time in our lives this would occur. I fought the urge to become cynical, arguing with myself that the second we let our guard down this is what happened. We blinked...and now what? When are we gonna get a break?
But 3 days later, we did. The same Operations Manager friend I yelled at on the day we got engaged was a guest at our son's birthday party, and he brought more than just a present for Jack. He handed Brett a piece of paper with a name and number on it and told him he had already called in a referral. By the end of the week, Brett had a new job!
We handle excitement differently, Brett and I. I want to know all the details so I can start planning our budget and crunching numbers, while he wants to relax and enjoy the feeling of internal peace. I tend to burst his bubble with my 20 questions and Devil's advocate way of thinking, and he is pretty good at letting me know when I need to just shut up. But we also complement each other well at these times. We discuss things and I help him explore the elements he may not think of on his own, and then we make decisions together. It works for us, and it is one of our best strengths as a couple, being able to listen to each other and work as a team on the big issues. With lots of hurdles on the path, we have already gotten this far...
Today was his first day. I am still a little nervous about things, but Brett is excited and full of optimism and positive energy. I am happy and relieved, but I've come to understand that both of those feelings are not achieved through a new job, but rather they are side effects of "A Full and Thankful Heart." By taking my personal inventory today I am reminded of all of my blessings; I am loved and cherished by so many close to me, my child is safe and healthy, my husband is willing and able, and so I feel relief. In my mind I replay the bike rides I took with Jack during our week in Hilton Head; I hear him laughing and singing, asking me "what happened, Mommy?" over and over again, and I know I am happy. I feel relief and happiness regardless of Brett's new job, and that is how I know we are going to be okay. Just like we have been all along, our faith strong and secure, and our love for each other still unwavering.
Maybe that's the trend. Maybe my first thought was right after all. The trend does continue.
The trend of unwavering love.
