Today is my 32nd birthday, and although I don't feel particularly special, so many people are thinking of me and wishing me a happy day that it must be so! I've had a pretty good day so far; I can't complain. I was greeted this morning with a candlelit donut by GRandi, Mr. McQ gave me a card and orchestrated another one given to me by Jack, my co-worker surprised me with a special fruit tart mini pastry breakfast, and then at lunch time I got to indulge in an AMAZING German Chocolate Cake from my company. In a word the first half of today was "SWEET!"
In an email from my mother this morning, she wrote:
6/30/1979Brooke Lee11:28 AM6 pounds 15 ounces20 ½ inches longBEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL!!!!
Every year my mom writes these same birth stats on a card or in an email or on gift wrapping or somewhere so that I can read them and be reminded of how much she loves me and will forever cherish the day I was born. In recent years these little birthday "notes" have become more meaningful to me, as I am a mother now too. The birth of your child is just such an overwhelmingly emotional event, and I am deeply touched by my own mother's expressed memory of my birth. This year I thanked HER for having me!
Being a mom is the most rewarding experience in my life, but it also means my life now, at age 32, is significantly different from what it was before I had my son. Everything I do and every decision I make now is ultimately considered in terms of "is this right for Jack?" Sometimes it can seem like my life is not my own anymore, like my dreams and wishes are no longer just for me, but rather for him, and in reality becoming a parent changes your dreams and wishes too.
Growing up, when I would blow out my birthday candles, I would close my eyes and think really hard about what I wanted the most, and chances were that it was a toy already wrapped and waiting for me b/c I had probably requested it a million times. I'm sure there were a few wishes for pets in there, and later I added trips to the beach with friends or other similar experiences. As a teenager I wished for boyfriends to love me and for my parents to let me do stuff, or just not to find out about things I was already doing! And as a younger adult, I definitely wished for materialistic things and more money. In my 20s I wished to get married, but still most of my wishes were personal, selfish, all about me.
Not anymore, folks. Being Jack's mom is my biggest wish come true! So now, all of my wishes are for him - birthday wishes included! This year my cake may hold 32 candles, but in my heart I have just 1 wish. I wish for my child to be all around healthy.
Last week I read an article about grown ups who have what would be considered text book "happy" lives ending up in counseling b/c they had "perfect" parents. One of the main points of the article was that most parents have the best of intentions and their parenting choices are often related to what they believe will make their children "happy," but in making them "happy" they may prevent them from learning necessary coping skills and deprive them of basic self confidence and independence needed in adulthood. By never allowing their children to experience disappointment or failure they are actually doing them a disservice. In short, the conclusion is that as a parent you don't have to be perfect when "good enough" may be better in the long run.
Now I think that last sentence could easily be taken out of context, so let me go ahead and clarify here that I am not agreeing with the idea that "good enough" parenting is the way to go, nor am I saying that I strive only to be "good enough" myself as a parent, but I am saying that I can see potential harm in being overly concerned with making your children "happy" when keeping them"healthy" is clearly the more important goal. So for my birthday wish I want my son to be healthy...in every sense of the word. I want him to be emotionally, physically, successfully, socially, happily, mentally, whatever "else-ly" H-E-A-L-T-H-Y! Every kind of healthy possible, well I want him to have it! That is my birthday wish!
I promise, as his mom, to do my best to help make that wish come true. And maybe, in 30 years, 1 month and 4 days, on his 32nd birthday, Jack will be just as touched as I was by reading his own mother's little birthday note to him, saying:
8/4/2009Jack Patrick4:44 PM8 pounds 3.6 ounces20 inches longBEAUTIFUL BABY BOY!!!!
Happy birthday, sis. You are one of the best moms I know. Kiss that Jack-bo for me.
ReplyDeleteLove you!